Screwed.edu
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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