I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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