I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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