I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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