you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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