wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
