I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
