if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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