Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
