My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
