That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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