I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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