So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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