did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
