when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
