You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
