I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
