We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
