The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Drunk is not a location!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
