So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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