another moral hangover. fuck.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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