why didn't you poke me back
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize