dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
