Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
