Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
