o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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