so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize