Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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