Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize