he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
