i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
