Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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