Quick, to the slutcave!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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