So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
