guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
