Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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