shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I want a musical about memes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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