What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
