i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
