Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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