i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
