Me too!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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