I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
