I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
