Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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