Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize