I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
