party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think my mom watched the whole time
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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