he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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