i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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