My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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