so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
