I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
