Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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