Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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