Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize