dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If I die, sorry about rent.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
