He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
