Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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