Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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