hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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