She said her name was "party"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
