She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
