If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize