brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
