i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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