Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
