I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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