your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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