Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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