haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
