dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
