sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
