We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
