week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
