Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
