i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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