is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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