ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
