i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize