I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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