I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
are you so shy because you have an std?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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