I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
